Glen Burnie's Next Top Model :)

I have been told since Zoe was an infant, how absolutely BEAUTIFUL she is.  Of course, I always thought she was beautiful- every mom does.  Even if their kid is ugly (kidding).  But the more Zoe grows, I think I am starting to realize that everyone is RIGHT. 

She is GORGEOUS. 

And I am SCARED. 

Teenage Zoe is going to be a force to be reckoned with- watch out boys!!!  But seriously, I have been researching lately how I can expose her natural beauty and talent to the world without becoming on of "those" moms.  I don't want to pressure her or anything, but a couple of jobs to help with her college fund would be nice :)  Since I got my new camera, all i can do is take pictures of my favorite subject.  Here are our most recent ones:

What does everyone think?  Photography has become a hobby of mine- it just so happens that Zoe is a very willing and very TALENTED participant.  Any ideas on how I can get started in the child model world?

Christmas 2010

Christmas in my family is usually a pretty hectic time.  I'm sure it is for every family... but for some reason MY family adds an extra degree of stress to EVERYTHING, so Christmas is like the super bowl of stressors for me. I am always worried about making sure every present is bought, wrapped, addressed, that I didn't leave anyone out... and then we pack our car and ride 2 hours to my mother's house in East Berlin, PA.  We have done this for 3 Christmas' now- but this year, I decided, THIS year we would claim OUR Christmas.  We had to start our own family traditions and have our own Christmas eve in our own place.  I have to say it was hard.  When you have spent every Christmas morning with your family for as long as you can remember, suddenly changing routine is an adjustment.  However- I am SO glad we did it.  Christmas as a whole was, just, perfect.  Zoe and I baked a TON of de-licious Christmas cookies together- one of the traditions my grandmother (who has since passed) always did with me. 

Baking Sugar Cookies with my lovey <3

We woke up bright and early (after a night of playing Santa's workshop), and gently woke Zoe.  She, unlike most mornings, woke up smiling and excited.  i had no idea just HOW aware she actually is of her surroundings and the anticipation that leads up to Christmas.  I remember most that she put her hands on top her head and spun around in circles after seeing the tree full of gifts.  She opened each gift with a "WOW!" or "Mommy! Look! A BABY!!!" and was genuinely thrilled with everything Santa had put under the tree.  There was no screaming... The was no cursing... Nobody left upset or crying.  There was just pure Christmas Magic.  I guess in the end, change IS good.  We are carving out our little niche in the world and standing as our own family.  I took a ton of pictures with my AH-MAZE-ING new camera that my honey bought me.  Honestly, a lot of days, I feel sad and sometimes even depressed, because everything doesn't always go my way.  We aren't the richest people and sometimes it's all we can do to barely pay all the bills on time.  But sometimes... I step back and look at days and moments like these and just KNOW that our little family is so blessed.  We have each other no matter what- but we also have a place to live, food, heat, and the opportunity to provide our daughter with a wonderful Christmas, where so many other families cannot.  I hope you had a great Christmas too!

Christmas Eve (before Santa came!)

Don't Call It A Comeback...

So, who doesn't post to their blog in over a YEAR?!?! Answer: THIS Girl.  Anyway, I have just been so busy I forgot I even had a blog!!!  Nobody seemed to be reading my posts, and I have been trying to figure out a way to increase traffic.  I like to share my stories with other parents of deaf/HOH kids.  Mostly because I like to hear myself talk (watch myself type?) but also to lend support to other families as so many have done for my family. 

These days, Zoe is a rowdy three year old with her own opinions, thoughts, feelings, and EMOTIONS!  Where did they even come up with the saying "terrible twos"?  I thought I was the perfect parent because MY little girl ate anything i put in front of her (well, she still does) and never whined, cried or threw fits at age two.  I thought for SURE that we were just so awesome that Zoe had no reason to be a brat. WELL, NOW... that was until she turned THREE.  Listen to me and listen good- THREE YEAR OLDS ARE OF THE DEVIL.  I have never been so stressed, nervous, embarrassed, frustrated... than I am now that Zoe is three.  She is vigilantly defiant, unyielding in her resolve to make my life a living HELL.  She makes the simplest public outing, like say, to a grocery store or clothing store something I DREAD. Just thinking about it makes me bite my nails and break out in a cold sweat.  I used to be all "She can't hheeeaaaarrrr, you guys... be NICE to her!" when she was 2.  Now, I KNOW what she can and cannot hear, but she still puts on an Oscar-worthy act like she couldn't hear a freaking truck back up through a building.

Me (from the other room, no less!): "Zoe!"
Zoe: WHAT?!?!
Me: "Excuse Me?!?!"
Zoe: "Yes, Mommy?"
Me: "Come clean up your toys."
Zoe: ".........."
Me: "Zoe?"
Zoe: "......"
Me: "ZOE!!!!"
Zoe: "..."
Me: (rounding the corner into her room) "Zoe Simone, I told you to come clean up your toys in the living room".
Zoe: (Her back turned toward me) "........"
Me: "ZOE!!!"
Zoe: "Hehehehehehehehehe"!!!!! (runs out of the room)

See, she thinks it's a GAME.  She thinks that just because I am a dumbass I used to be so easy on her, she can still play the "I Can't Heeeaaarrr Yyyoooouuuu" game. I have found that, especially with a child like Zoe, you have to be a lot more stern when you are disciplining them... because they think you are a sucker.  Anyone else have any stories about their children and discipline?

Happy Birthday, Princess!

On Sunday,  we took Zoe to see Sesame Street LIVE at first mariner arena- let me tell you, it was too cute!  Zoe just sat there the whole time staring- attentively watching every single act.  She, like me, is not really a fan of people in giant suits- but I figured she would like it if they kept their distance... LOL :)

She has only recently begun watching TV like anything- I don't even think she knew what it was until a couple months ago.  She was perfectly happy just playing with her toys and getting into things she isn't supposed to- sitting quietly and watching cartoons or a movie is not a luxury that my daughter has really ever afforded me.  Now, however-  TV can sometimes hold her attention for about 5! whole! minutes!!!  because she loves the charachters and recognizes them from her toys and/or books.  Her favorites are usually of the NOGGIN variety- you know, Wow Wow Wubbzy and the like- and she rarely seen much sesame street.

Me, however- having grown up wishing I could really live on Sesame Street, I was stoked about the show probably more than any grown person should be.  When Big Bird took the stage, it was like 1989 all over again... can't you just imagine a cute little 5 year old version of me, sitting cross-legged in front of our floor unit TV for hours, singing and dancing, and using the letter of the day enough times to drive my parents crazy?  Can't you?  Well, I can. Anyway. They were all there- all my beloved charachters, some new ones, and of course, my daughter's namesake*- which I joyfully pointed to every time she dared to come within 10 feet of us.  Zoe seemed to enjoy it, even though she didn't do as much singing and dancing as most of the kids- she just sat and took it all in.  It was the quietest I have seen her in, well... not counting when she's asleep- probably ever.  She then proceeded to shake her little booty and bob her head back and forth in the lobby.  Crazy backwards child of mine. *OK, i really didn't name my daughter after a Sesame Street character- though that would be wicked cool.  Oh, here are a few pics from the show...

This was part of Zoe's birthday present since we aren't throwing a big party this year.  Shut up, I already feel bad enough about it. We will probably take her to Chuck E Cheese and get her a cake next weekend, after she officially turns 2 on 9/23/09 (at 9:02 PM).  WOW, I can't believe my baby is turning 2 already.  I still remember the day I brought her home from the hospital.  What she wore that first night, how she slept, how she smelled, the little baby noises she made, and how amazing she was...  God I miss those days.  The days when I could lay her on a bed or on a blanket on the floor and she would still be there 5 minutes- nay, 5 Seconds- later.  The days when I was faster than Her.  The days when I cheerfully washed her little bottles and tidyed up her room while she NAPPED.  Well,  it's all good though- just another stepping stone, right?  One day she will be a teenager, and she will HATE me sometimes.  She will claim I am ruining her life and curse the day I birthed her because she has a curfew. Then one day she'll be an adult- and run off to marry some guy that I probably won't even like- and I will be saying how much I missed the days when she would take her shoes off in the backseat while mommy is driving, or throw herself dramatically to the floor over a cup of juice or some fruit snacks, or run from me in public places and ake me chase her.  I will long for these days just as much as I long for her infant days now. 

But for now, she's only 2.  She likes to read stories and get tucked in close to her mommy at night.  She likes lots of love, hugs and kisses with no strings attached. She likes to run in the grass and feel the sunshine on her face.  She likes to point at things and watch mommy look around for what she wants while babbling to me- probably telling me how much of an idiot I am in baby talk.  She loves to go to the park and slide down the big girl slide. She loves to jump in the air (and sometimes fall on her butt) just because. She likes to scream just because screaming is fun.  She likes to take long walks and point out all the birdies, doggies, and people. She likes to dress herself with hilarious results sometimes. She likes to lay in bed with mommy and cuddle before going to sleep.  And, luckily for us- she loves both her mommy and her daddy like they hung the moon. In the end, she is still and always will be mommy's baby, she's just getting older, and cuter :)  So, Happy Birthday baby girl- We Love You more than you can imagine.

It's A Small World After All...

When I first started on this journey with Zoe back in March, I felt all alone. I felt like I couldn't fathom why this had to happen to MY baby, or what I had done to cause it. As time has passed, I am quickly realizing that our situation is not uncommon. There are many more high functioning deaf people than I ever thought. They have great jobs and function in society just fine, dealing with their disability the best way they can. Sure, it has it's challenges- but this happened to us for a reason. Zoe is a very special little girl, and without being hearing impaired, she wouldn't be Zoe. I got to thinking about this because while getting my (fabulous) hair cut at Bubbles in Arundel Mills mall, my stylist and I (Hi Ashlee!) got to chatting- she told me how her son is doing the "your baby can read" program, and that at 18 months she is amazed at how much he is learning. And when I told her about Zoe's hearing loss, and how she is slowly learning sign language- she and I got into conversation about how her father, aunt and uncle are all deaf- and i thought, WOW, I'm not alone after all. She told me about programs her mother was involved in, and encouraged me to get as involved as possible in the deaf community. I think I will do that. We have already made the first step by enrolling Zoe in the MSD program for toddlers- so we just have to reach out further and really show her how many kids are just like her. It's so great to meet people who understand your situation a little bit!

I wonder sometimes...

...Why people feel the need to look down on to talk down to other people like they are so high and mighty? I mean, I have never really been one to care how someone raises THEIR child, unless it is just wrong and unhealthy for the child. I have seen and heard it all when it comes to parenting techniques in the short 2 years I have been a parent. I have seen the overzealous "Boob Nazi's" that swear infant formula is rat poisoning and that anyone who formula feeds is a bad mother and should not have kids. I have seen the issues and debates on co-sleeping, baby wearing, pacifiers, vaccinations/immunizations, cloth diapering, blah, blah, BLAH. I mean, if I use disposable diapers, formula feed, and let my daughter sleep with me in bed, is she going to grow up any differently? NO. Also, why does everyone CARE so much what I, or anyone else, does to raise THEIR kids???

I got to thinking about this not because of all the typical debates i listed above, but because of a topic on another of my favorite blogs about cochlear implants. Now, I am TERRIFIED of the whole thing- the procedure, the changes and everything. Plus, our daughter is not deaf. Zoe is hard of hearing- meaning she has some hearing, but needs amplification to help her. From what I know about cochlear implants (read: not much) , they are mainly for people who were not helped by hearing aids, and/or are completely deaf. However, I recently learned that this, too- is a topic up for debate. Apparently, some people think the implant takes away the "culture" of a deaf person- like hearing is a bad thing because it changes who they are. I, personally- think those people are on crack. WHY, oh WHY, would you deliberately deny your child the ability to hear if you could give that to them? I just don't get it. But, it's not up to me to "get" those people, or care if they choose that for their child or not. So why do others feel the need to down other people and make them feel bad for their decision? Oh well, I guess the deaf community is not any different from any other community- each has it's taboos and stigmas, stereotypes and misconceptions. It's just up to us as parents to make the right decision for OUR children.

T-Minus 9 Days...

Until Sesame Street LIVE at first Mariner Arena!

I am sooo excited! Zoe is going to have sooo much fun! Well, at lease i HOPE so... I keep thinking about our fiasco with the Easter bunny this year, and how Zoe thought he was the devil's spawn. I am crossing my fingers that she enjoys the show and isn't, you know... scared shitless. 'Cuz that would be unpleasant, to say the least. Our seats are pretty good, so I'm not really worried about her being able to see the show or keeping her interest, so here's to hoping for a great time with our friends and her god sister- we don't get to see her very much because her mother is CRAZY... but that's a whole 'nother story, and I will not put their business out here for all to see.

So, anyway- if anyone is going to see Elmo next Sunday in Baltimore- send me an email!!!

99 Things

I saw this over on JazzieandTahlia- (http://jazzieandtahlia.typepad.com/my_weblog/), and thought it looked like fun, so here we go! Copy the list and then Bold (or underline) the things you’ve done, and post this list on your blog or FaceBook, etc... then leave me a comment with a link soI can go see it!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (sort of, it was VERY early morning, the sun was coming up)
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld
8. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Written something that was published
11. Bungee jumped or parachuted
12. Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge
13. Been in a fist fight
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Seen the Rings of Saturn with a telescope
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when not ill
24. Built a tree house or snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Fired a gun
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke!
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal
44. Visited Africa
45. Cried yourself to sleep
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Visited the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Pretended you cooked something from scratch when you didn't.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie or commercial
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold something door to door (girl scout cookies, anyone?)
62. Gone whale or dolphin watching
64. Donated blood, marrow, etc
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (LOL!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Held onto a favorite childhood toy (in my closet at home!)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten frog legs or caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Time Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Done something illegal (pleading the 5th)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Sang a solo
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Climbed a mountain
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had surgery
89. Directly saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Seen a loved one die
94. Given birth to a baby
95. Visited the Alamo
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Sent a text message while driving
99. Been stung by a bee

Guess I'm pretty boring...Your Turn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo
~Lisa

School Daze

This week, Zoe went to her first day of "school"! Well, not really school, more like a playgroup i guess- but either way... Jonathan and I took her to the Maryland Schhol for the Deaf in Columbia, MD on the first day of school to get her registered. Since Zoe will not be 2 years old for a few more weeks, she is in the infant group- ages 0-24 months. Of course, she looked like the jolly green giant in a room full of smaller children, but she enjoyed it . While she played, we were shown around the school and filled out some paperwork. After Zoe turns 2, we plan on sending her there as many of the 5 days a week we can. Transportation is going to be an issue since school is from 9am-Noon, and both of us are already at work before 9am. We are going to have to rely heavily on family and friends to get us through this, we just pray it will work out. Everyone at the school was so nice and asccepting of us- but we felt so out of place. See, everyone there- EVERYONE- seems to sign MUCH better than both of us combined. They sign while they are talking to you, even though you are "hearing". It's a little awkward because you are not sure where to look- at their face or their hands... LOL.

After the tour and paperwork, we attended the weekly parents meeting with the parents of the other kids in the younger age group. It was actually really nice to meet other people that are going through what you are and understand your situation. someone you can ask questions to, get or give advice to, and just share experiences. Once that was over, we went to pick Zoe up, and she seemed so content to be there, she didn't want to leave! She even wanted to hug everyone as we left. The teachers and teacher aides were super nice and couldn't wait to see Zoe again- we got so many compliments about how cute she was, her pretty pink earmolds, etc... she was eating up the attention! It really made me feel good, though- like we were really taking charge of our daughter's life and her disability- and taking the steps needed to help her be the best she can be.

She is growing so fast, and all of the sudden lately we are getting this verbal blossoming of sorts- she is coming out of her mouth with words- actual understandable WORDS- randomly out of nowhere. She said Einstein the other day! Yes, EINSTEIN!!! That's our dog's name, lest you wonder where the heck she came up with that from. I was sitting there next to her- nobody told me she said it, I HEARD it. then, my mom has been playing "Miss Mary Mack" with her, and the other day she started clapping her hands, saying "Mack" "Mack", "Black"... WOW. Now, she even says "Pot, Pot" for "Potty". I am so proud of my big girl- potty training is going so well. She wore the same pull up all day yesterday- She only wet it when she went out to eat with my mom and she peed in the car on the way home. Other than that, she went on the potty all day long!!! Go Zoe, Go!

xoxo
~Lisa