Hearing Aids

Well, Zoe's hearing aids came in today. The audiologist- well, from now on she will just be Dr. Robin... anyway, Dr. Robin had to program them, and the ear molds should be in tomorrow. Jonathan found this out when he called them- he is so excited that he couldn't wait for them to call us. Well, I talked this over with my sis-in-law Jess today. I am having a hard time feeling excited about this. Sure, it will likely make me very happy to know that she can hear me- but I am not excited. I am not excited, happy or optimistic like everyone else seems to be, and I don't know why.

I simply cannot manage to see the good in all of this. I know I should be counting my blessings that she is even alive and healthy- but I can't. I can't look at my baby and know that she will have this hardship to deal with that other kids don't have to deal with for the rest of her life, and be happy. I guess my mind may change after tomorrow, when we are supposed to go get the aids- but I don't know. Is it normal to feel this way? Should I be happy and/or excited about tomorrow? Jess (currently preggo) is having a 4D sonogram tomorrow evening, and I was actually more disappointed to miss that than miss the hearing aids. I guess because I would rather be happy seeing my perfect little baby neice than to deal with the reality of our situation.

I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings, but as of right now I don't really care what happens tomorrow. We waited this long for a diagnosis, We can wait another day for hearing aids. I try to hide these feelings from Jonathan because he is always the one who trys to be strong, and I want to show him that I can accept and deal with this- but, truth be told- I can't.