Why am I still asking why? Why does it hurt just as bad when the audiologist discusses Zoe's hearing loss the tenth time as it did the first time? Today was the appointment to get ear mold impressions taken, and order Zoe's hearing aids. I am still in disbelief that this is happening- here I am, back in the denial stage again. I am grasping in vain for any hope that this is not the fate of my baby girl for the rest of her life. I asked the doctor if there was any hope of her growing out of this, and she flat out said no. She said sensorineural hearing loss is not fixable, and that we need to be proactive and just deal with the issue at hand. She is in the severe to profound range, so she's basically deaf. It's hard to just accept this and move forward- how do you do that???
Our doctor is great, though- she has been helping us from day one. She got the financing together, had all the paperwork filled out ahead of time... she's really great. Now we just wait for the hearing aids to come in- hopefully by the end of next week, when we call Zoe's name she will turn around. Now I have to start thinking about all the resonsibility that is going to come with this- I mean, I have to make sure she keeps them in and doesn't throw them in the toilet or the trash (she throws everything in the trash, LOL)- and that she understands that only a grown up can take them out... I'm sure there is maintenence and upkeep, cleaning them... it's all so much to think about at once.
I have been trying to push past asking myself "why" all the time, and accept that it is happening and it is not going away. I just can't shake the feeling of overwhelming guilt that I did something wrong to cause this. Even when I am happy, I am miserable on the inside. There is nothing like the pain of seeing your child have to deal with a disability. NOTHING. Even though she is too young to understand what is going on, the mere fact that she has to go through this is killing me inside. Thank God for her daddy, without him I don't know where I would be.
Now we just wait for the hearing aids to come in, and hope that they help her. if they don't help her, we could be looking at a cochlear implant- a surgery. Financing or not, this is expensive- and I have no idea if we are going to be able to afford whatever this throws at us now or in the future. I guess only time will tell.
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I had to tell you that are definitely not alone in this process. Believe me I know it's hard, my son to has a bilateral sensorineural hearing loss. We had genetic testing done to find out exactly what had caused his hearing loss seeing as though we don't have anyone in our families that has hearing loss. Our son has a genetic disorder called Connexiun 26. At the age of 18 months when we realized that hearing aids were not going to work we had our son implanted with cochlear implants. We decided to go with Advanced Bionics because throughout the entire process and after doing my part in research I knew that Advanced Bionics was the best the customer service we got from the very beginning and to this day has been amazing. I hope if you need anything or want to ask me any questions you will. My email is MrsMStaley76@yahoo.com
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